What is the right way to grieve?

When someone we love dies, it's only natural for us to feel a range of emotions. Grief is one of the most common and painful reactions to death, and it can be incredibly difficult and confusing to cope with.

Bereavement is often a difficult life experience that can be accompanied by a variety of emotions, including sadness, anger, confusion, and loneliness. While there is no right way to grieve, it is important to allow yourself the time and space needed to process your feelings. 

If you are struggling with Bereavement, talking to a therapist may be beneficial. Therapists are specially trained to help people cope with loss and grief. They can provide support and guidance as you work through your emotions and to better understand the meaning of your loss. 

If you would like to explore therapy as an option for coping with bereavement support read our article to learn about bereavement. You may also wish to consider reaching out to one of the therapists at Autonomous Psychotherapy & Counselling if you wish to schedule a complimentary consultation and have further support.  

What is grief? 

Grief is a natural response to losing someone or something we care about. It's the process of coping with Kubler-Ross's model that comprises five main stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness/depression, and acceptance. Although these stages are often experienced in a certain order, it's important to keep in mind that everyone experiences grief differently and your grief may not follow these steps. At Autonomous Psychotherapy & Counselling we teach our clients: "Your grief will be like everyone's, your grief will be like some people's and it will be like no one else's."

Some people may move through the stages quickly while others may cycle through them or go back and forth between them. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to grieve—it's a deeply personal experience. And although it can be incredibly painful.

Sign & Symptoms Of  Bereavement:

There are many signs and symptoms of bereavement, but here are few you should know about so you can better understand the process of bereavement.

Shock

There are some common signs and symptoms that are associated with bereavement. One of these is shock. Shock is a natural reaction to sudden, traumatic events can trigger this emotional state. For example, the sudden death of a loved one or a near death experience can produce shock. Feelings of numbness and disbelief often characterize a state of shock. People who are in shock may seem confused or numb to the experience of what is happening. S0metimes, shock can be confused with indifference and a person may worry that they are not coping well because they are not feeling more upset like others around them. Your feelings are expressed in a variety of ways and it is possible that if you are not feeling more intensely, you may be in a period of shock.  

Shock can also cause difficulty with sleeping or concentrating. If you or someone you know is experiencing these symptoms, it is important to seek professional help. Bereavement can be a very difficult experience, but with the right support, it is possible to learn how to heal and how move on without replaying the mistakes of the past in other relationships.

Numbness & Guilt

One of the symptoms of bereavement is a sense of numbness or emptiness. This can be accompanied by difficulty sleeping, difficulty concentrating, and changes in appetite. Many people also experience guilt, especially if they have not spent much time with their loved ones before they died or had a troubled relationship with the person who has died. 

These symptoms can last for weeks or even months, but eventually, most will start rebuilding their lives again. If you are struggling or are worried about how you are coping, seek professional help. A counsellor can provide support and guidance as you learn to cope with your loss.

Crying 

Crying can be a way of releasing the intense emotions that are often felt after the death of a loved one. It can also be a way of expressing grief and seeking support from others. Crying is a normal and healthy response to loss, and it can occur at any time, including during happy moments or important business meetings.

Often, after someone has died, people will come to therapy because they start to break down in situations in which they would least expect, i.e. during business presentations. Their sudden feelings can appear awkward to others who don't understand they are grieving and can potentially become embarrassing. If this is happening to you, you may be trying to understand "why?" and to prevent this from happening again. Sometimes, there are no explanations that make sense or which are available, the "why?" in our life will remain unanswered and this can be difficult to accept. Working with a therapist can help you understand your expectations around grief and to better process your feelings.

If someone close to you has died, it is important to permit yourself to cry and to seek support from friends and family member if needed. Trying to hold back the tears and fight against what your body is trying to accomplish is normally counter productive.

Depression & Anger 

Feeling sad, depressed and angry after a loss is normal. This can be directed at the person who has died, other family members, God or fate. We often try and behave as we think we should act and feel. During times of grief, this can lead to unnecessary confusion and actually stop the process of grieving we need to go through. Expressions such as "one should not speak ill of the dead" or "you can't be angry with someone for dying" are common and unhelpful because they stop the feelings we need to pass through.

The truth is that no one is perfect and we often do things in life that we regret and hurt others close to us. Once we die, we may have people who are still hurting or upset with our actions. Hence why some may still be upset and angry at those who have died. Being able to express yourself in grief counselling is one of the greatest benefits as your therapist will never judge you for your anger, hurt or the words you use to express yourself during this time.

Changes in Appetite

One of the most common signs & symptoms of Bereavement is a change in your appetite. It's not unusual to lose your appetite altogether or to have sudden cravings for certain foods. You may even find that you're eating more frequently or that you're snacking more often. 

These changes are normal and are your body's way of coping with the stress of bereavement. If you find that your appetite is significantly different from what it was before, it's important to talk to your doctor or a bereavement counsellor. They can help you understand what's happening and how to manage your symptoms so you can continue to meet your obligations and responsibilities.

Difficult sleep

Many people experience difficulty sleeping after losing a loved one. This is a common reaction to bereavement, and most people will eventually sleep well again after they have grieved successfully. However, some people may find their symptoms persist for months or even years. 

If you're struggling to sleep after you have experienced the death of a loved one, you should seek the help of a mental health expert. Clinical research has shown the importance of sleep for our physical and mental health. Sleep deprivation can cause a variety of issues and should be taken seriously.

Getting regular exercise, eating a healthy diet, and spending time with supportive friends and family can be helpful for sleeping difficulties. If you're having trouble sleeping, try to establish a bedtime routine or limit your caffeine intake in the evening. Taking small steps to care for yourself can make a big difference in how you feel. If none of these are seeming to make a difference in your sleeping routine then your next step should be to speak with a professional such as your GP or a counsellor.

How should we cope with Bereavement? 

Bereavement is a natural process that most people find difficult to go through after losing a loved one. It's normal to struggle to adjust to the new reality of life without the presence of the person we have lost.

There are different ways to cope with grief. Some people find comfort in talking about their loved ones with friends or bereaved families members. Others may find relief by writing down their thoughts and feelings about the death. Some people find solace in attending support or bereavement counselling groups or participating in religious services.

Whatever coping mechanisms work for you, it's important to give yourself time to mourn your loss. Don't try to rush through your feelings or bottle them up inside. Allow yourself to experience all the emotions that come with grief and know that they are trying to help you to process the meaning of your loss.

How should bereaved families act?

The death of a loved one is always a difficult time, and it can be hard to know how to act. There are no hard and fast rules, but there are some general guidelines that can help. First, it is important to be respectful of the deceased person's wishes. If they have expressed a preference for a certain type of funeral or memorial service, try to honour that request. It is also important to be understanding of the family's grieving process. Each person deals with loss in their own way, and it is important to give people the space to grieve in their own time. Finally, try to be supportive of the bereaved family members. Offer to help with practical tasks such as preparing food or making travel arrangements. Just being there to listen can be a huge help. Following these guidelines can help make the grieving process a little easier for everyone involved.

Tips for bereaved parents

The death of a child is a tragedy that no parent should ever have to face. If you are a bereaved parent, you may find yourself feeling isolated and alone. Here are a few tips that may help you through this difficult time. First, allow yourself to grieve in whatever way feels right for you. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, so do not feel like you have to adhere to any specific timeline. Second, reach out to your friends and family members for support. They may not know how to help you, but simply being there for you can make a world of difference. Third, consider seeking professional help if you find yourself struggling to cope. A therapist can provide you with tools and resources that can help you to work through your grief in a healthy way. Finally, remember that it is okay to be happy sometimes. You may always feel sad when you think about your child, but try to focus on the happy memories as well. Seeing the good in the world can help you to find hope during this dark time.

When is grief a problem? 

Grief is a problem when it becomes disruptive to one's life. Bereavement becomes a problem when it lasts longer than what one would consider normal or when it prevents someone from functioning normally in their life. For example, it would be considered a problem if someone is so overwhelmed with grief that they can't go to work or take care of their children.

Grief can also become a problem when it leads to destructive behaviours, such as alcohol abuse or self-harm. Getting help is important if grief starts to interfere with your day-to-day life. Many resources are available for grieving people, including counselling and support groups.

While there is no specific time frame for how long grief should take, it is possible for grief to last for years or even decades. As an experienced therapist, I see many people having issues moving on after one or two years after a loved one has dies, I don't believe this is unusual. However, more than a few years of grief can create problems and is probably a good time to speak with a professional about your process.

The importance of support systems during Bereavement:

Grief, or the experience of losing a loved one, can be very difficult and traumatic. It is often said that losing a loved one is the most painful experience a person can go through. It is important to have supportive people around you who can offer understanding and compassion. These people can help provide a sense of comfort and support during this difficult time. It is also important to allow yourself time to grieve. There is no set timeline for grieving, and everyone grieves in their way and at their own pace. However, it is worth considering seeking support if you or someone you know is having issues with their grief process.

How to deal with your grief in a healthy way?

It's important to give yourself time and space to grieve in a healthy way. This might mean allocating specific times each day or week to grieving and ensuring that you stick to those times. 

It also means taking care of yourself physically and emotionally by eating healthy foods, getting enough exercise, and talking to someone who can offer support. Finally, it's important to remember that grieving is a personal process that looks different for everyone, so don't feel you have to follow any specific advice or timetable. Just go with what feels right for you.

How to help someone who is grieving?

 It is important to support someone grieving, but it is also important to give them some space. The best way to help someone grieving may vary depending on the person, but often the best thing to do is simply be there for them.

Some people may find comfort in talking about their loved ones, while others may prefer not to talk about their loss. Some people may appreciate receiving practical help, such as food or errands, while others may prefer not to have outside interference. However, some general tips that might be helpful include:

• Be there for them. Offer support and let them know that you are there for them.

• Give them space. Grieving can be an intense and isolating experience, so allow them to mourn in their way and at their own pace.

• Let them talk about their loved ones. One of the best ways to process grief is by talking about the person who has died. Let them share memories and stories about their loved ones.

• Encourage healthy coping mechanisms. Grieving can be very difficult, so help them find some healthy options that feel right for them.

• Help them find a grief therapy that works for them

• Remember that painful times take time to process

• Most people will be fine with enough time and support

How can counselling help? 

Bereavement counselling, or therapy, can be extremely helpful in the early stages of grieving. It can provide a safe and supportive environment for exploring feelings and thoughts about the death and offer coping mechanisms and strategies for managing Bereavement. It can also help to prevent or treat depression and anxiety that are common during grief. Adults and young people may need to speak about the funeral during counselling.

Some people may find that they don't need any counselling after the initial shock of death has passed, but others may find that they need to continue attending therapy sessions for months or even years.

Therapists specializing in bereavement counselling will often have experience dealing with all kinds of grief reactions to be a valuable resource during this difficult time.

How Can Autonomous Psychotherapy & Counselling Ltd Help In Bereavement?

Autonomous Psychotherapy & Counselling Ltd offers a range of services to help bereaved people. We have a team of experienced and qualified therapists who can offer you the support you need at this difficult time.

Our team can provide practical advice, counselling, psychotherapy, to help you process your loss and come to terms with your bereavement.

If you are experiencing difficulty coping with a recent bereavement, please don't hesitate to contact us. We would be happy to discuss our services with you and see how we could best help you. Contact us today for a free consultation and to feel better.